Stop comparing pregnancies – My Experience

I’ve been holding back on sharing this story, but recently a celebrity I follow who’s pregnant posted about being on bed rest and someone in the comments shared that she carried four children and nothing happened to her and that celebrities are just looking for attention. Let me just say that NO one, not even a celebrity, would call something as serious as being on bed rest due to complications that could result in losing their child on themselves for attention and a few likes. Your pregnancy experience was just that, your experience. Pregnancies and our bodies are very different. 

During my second pregnancy just around  26 weeks, I leaked a significant amount of amniotic fluid which then caused contractions. Thankfully, I live very close to my doctor’s office, so when this accident happened I immediately went around. After checking, he confirmed that I did leak fluid and as a result I was experiencing mild contractions, as such we needed to get to the hospital. It was way too early for the baby to come so I asked what will happen next. He then, in the most polite and honest way, said “we will try to keep the baby in by placing you on complete bed rest and by administering medication to stop the contractions. If this doesn’t work then there will be a 50/50 chance of the baby’s survival.”

Nobody, ever, wants to hear that. I was a complete emotional wreck. When I got to the hospital and the nurse took my first set of vitals, my pulse rate was very high (of course! I was just told that I may lose my baby boy). But I had to compose myself, not just for me but for the baby. A little voice was like ‘peace be still’; and I was like, yes, peace be still. 

I went into that room and no one knew I was in there until I was calm enough to speak about what was happening, without bringing on any anxiety or panic attacks. To date, other than my husband and sister only five of my friends actually knew what was happening. My reasons for not sharing were: 1. I was experiencing the most traumatic thing ever for a mother and I didn’t want anyone comparing pregnancies;  2. I didn’t want anyone overthinking and ultimately making me overthink or anyone questioning me daily; 3. I had to find complete peace with my then current state to be mentally and emotionally well to deal with whatever the outcome would have been. 

During my overnight stay at the hospital, during a routine checkup my pulse rate was still a bit high but the contractions had disappeared. The nurse reminded me to relax, as we didn’t want anything triggering more contractions. I heard her but at the same time I was like ‘how do you expect me to have a normal pulse rate knowing I could lose my baby boy’; added to that I was away from my toddler – during a whole pandemic at that. That “relax” shit is easier said than done. But I obliged and rested, hoping for the best. 

Fast forward to the checkup by my doctor, he informed us that I’m doing well, my vitals are great – mine and the baby’s – but they’ll have to run some tests, etc. and continue to monitor us some more. I was cleared to go home the following day but was placed on complete bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. That meant not moving from my bed to do anything – quick showers, quick toilet breaks and forget about using the stairs. 

You would think getting my pulse rate under control was the hard part, nope! How am I to remain in bed until I’m 33 weeks into this thing? How? I am by virtue an active being. I clean my house everyday, do activities with my toddler, I work from home, I visit my dad and sister every Saturday, etc. I only see my bed when I need to rest or sleep and you’re telling me I’m to stay in my bed ALL DAY, EVERYDAY for 2 months and be ‘okay’?!

In a nutshell that was the hardest two months ever. Mentally and emotionally, it had me questioning whether I will ever do this again? That was truly traumatic for me and it is upsetting to see people comparing pregnancies, or assuming that all should be like theirs. There is no guarantee that one will have an easy glowing pregnancy, sometimes it is not as easy as most.

I honestly wish we women could be more mindful when it comes to these things. My first pregnancy was a walk in the park but I knew no two pregnancies are the same and always had an open mind going into my second. So the next time you see someone taking it easy whilst pregnant, please don’t spill your negativity about all you’ve done during your pregnancy or what someone you know did, etc. just wish that woman well and let that woman be! 

Pregnancy is not one size fits all. 

Featured image: Pexels

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Environmentalist || Youth Development Work || Dabbling in Communications || Mommy of Two

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