I’ve noticed two things happening in our society recently – 1. Babies seem to be the latest trend, everyone’s having one and 2. Couples don’t seem to last too long after baby’s first birthday. But why is this? My only answer is that couples today don’t seem to develop strong healthy intimate relationships.
It’s always boy sees girl, girl smiles with guy, guy approaches girl, they talk, exchange contact information, meet up again, find themselves in a heated (fulfilling) sexual relationship and before you know it – a baby’s here, real problems are encountered and boy bounces. (Of course the story can start with girl sees guy…)
Inherent in these relationships is the dire need to develop and maintain a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship (by my definition) is one filled with mutual understanding and respect coupled with (of course) a strong intimate bond.
It’s important to know and understand your partner. Ladies, ask yourself – is my partner someone who wants children? Does he have other children? What was the relationship like with the other parent? Does he suffer from commitment phobia? Does he want a lasting relationship, or will be leave me when he gets bored? Fellas, ask yourself, does she just want a man to have a baby with? Does she feel like all of her friends are having so she needs one as well? Do I see myself with her 10 years down the line? Am I ready to step up and become a father, forever?
These questions can only be answered if couples have these discussions before making life changing decisions. Conversations seem to be somewhat taboo in our society. We need to cultivate a desire to talk about everything. Ask, don’t assume! We might assume, that because we’re in a very loving (by that I mean sexually fulfilling) relationship that we’re both ready for a family. More often than not this is NOT the case.
Also important to intimate relationships is the need to have healthy sexual relationships aka wrap it up always! Apart from preventing HIV and other STIs, condoms are perfect for preventing unplanned pregnancies.
When starting a new relationship it’s important to want to understand your partner, likes, dislikes, desires, aspirations, phobias, wants, needs and the list goes on. Ask yourself – can this last past one year? Is he/she marriage material / long term commitment material? Is this someone I want to start a family with? Can we work together towards financial stability? Am I willing to cope with his/her weaknesses? Am I willing to work on our problems or bail at the first hiccup? Is this just for the sex or is it more than just sex? We are both mentally ready for a child/a family?
Just some things to consider! Start a family when you’re good and ready not because you have no other choice.